A mother does two things.
- Provide a controlled, safe, blockaded environment in which a child can grow and learn and flourish.
- Surrender that environment and transition to the supportive, conducive enabling agent which will see their child launched into the world.
These two things are diametrically opposed.
Early on a mother MUST contain and protect her child. The world is a vicious, evil place and youth, unguided and unprotected WILL succumb to the temptation or provocations that exist there. The world is there to lure young children into servitude, enslavement, and abuse. A mother must be there to ensure her children are guided away from, and protected against such seductions.
A child needs a wholesome childhood in which to allow abandon and whimsy to flourish and blossom.
Of course that environment does NOT exist in the world. And only a mother can provide that sequestered enchanting world where a child feels safe, free and loved.
Later, when the child learns of the evils of the world, the dastardly vicious workings of people dead-set on taking what that child has worked for, the conniving salacious pursuits of those eager to destroy a young life, the mother must transition into one of support and surrender. She must release her wards, her babes, into a world she knows will try to destroy them.
But in this final act, she must convert her protectionist way to expansionist dreams. “Go, my son. Travel, my daughter. See the world, experience life. I’ve protected you long enough. Now is the time for you to protect yourself. I give to your freedom.”
Imagine the angst in a mother’s heart. The agony of, for years, ensuring the safety and well being of a child, only to, eventually, reverse this mindset and push them out, force them out into an unforgiving world.
For their own good. Always, for their own good. What trauma the poor mother must endure. Protect for ages and then surrender, willfully.
Christ, I’m glad I’m a father.
4 thoughts on “The mother’s dual role”
My comment on Tatterhood’s blog:
• A fundamental loss leaves a scar. Scars are permanent reminders that we have lived, survived and prevailed. The wound may heal but the scar will remain—as it should, we are different, changed people after the loss of a loved one.
• Healing after such a loss entails a kind of surrender, admitting that the loss is permanent, that the hurt exists and is deep and lasting. We must accept that the forming scar will never disappear; our love will never diminish.
• Only time and choice can soften scars. Memories can either torment or nourish. New challenges can either be embraced or abandoned.
• You know all this, no doubt. But, confirmation through words does help the understanding and development of our own minds. Our minds. We choose how long our scars will ache.
Hmmmm – I don’t recognise 1 or 2.
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Dude, I’m a Dad and the way you described it…I feel exactly like the Mother. I want to protect my babies forever but I know that is not possible. Funny thing is, I DID advise by kids to see the world and both of them (Son and Daughter) are traveling and seeing the world much more than I ever did. So, I’m comforted by the fact that when they’re my fucking age, they’ll have glowing memories of their youth…and may be thanking me when I’m long gone. Great Post. (I have a new post up…and I did use your phrase “nanovangelical” and people loved it. –But no I won’t repost it. Cya!
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I have a son a daughter also… The Dopple premise grows stronger. And they too are out an about in the world. But not far enough away. And yes, as a father I feel the same. I used “Mother” as most, I would imagine, would feel this way. While some fathers, may not.
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