It’s – in the Cloud

I’ve had to deal with Microsoft since the early 90’s. Most likely, unless you’re an Apple bigot, you have too. And I hate Microsoft. They’ve done like, three things right in their entire history: Windows NT, Visual Studio and Excel.

When they decided to compete with Amazon in the “Cloud” they tried to be clever and name their Platform as a Service (PaaS) – Azure. Blue. Really? Go look up the word in a dictionary and you’ll get “bright blue in color — like a CLOUDLESS sky.”

Geezus criminy, they can’t even get clouds right.

What they *should* have called this offering is: Olympus.

“Olympus! The fortress in the clouds populated by powerful god-like services.”

And then they’d have had a bevy of gods and their abilities to pick from to name their various offerings up there. Things like virtual machines, data storage, messaging, security, web-app hosting, web services, etc.

Mnemosyne : The goddess of memory

Ceres : The goddess of storage

Soteria : The goddess of security

Hermes : The god of messaging

(Oddly, they’d already adopted the Greek monster of guardians: Kerberos)

I can see a whole slew of great names for the cornucopia of stuff you can find in, ahem, Olympus Cloud Services.

Microsoft, pull your head OUT! Oops, too late. It’s too far crammed up there.

For reference, you can click this link to see a list of services that can be found on OCS (heh,heh):

Look at this list of Gods they could have leveraged. Opportunity lost.
  • Zeus
  • Hera
  • Poseidon
  • Demeter
  • Ares
  • Athena
  • Apollo
  • Artemis
  • Hephaestus
  • Aphrodite
  • Hermes
  • Dionysus
  • Hades
  • Hypnos
  • Nike
  • Janus
  • Nemesis
  • Iris
  • Hecate
  • Tyche

8 thoughts on “It’s – in the Cloud

  1. A wise old Italian man said to me in 1998 “Software sells hardware.” He was speaking of a computer masquerading as a musical instrument, but you can smear it on all technology. Someone recently updated a virtual synthesizer I own. It now has over 6000 patches. Yes, six fucking thousand sounds. Go figure. I used to laugh with the big daddy synth players over 120 to 1,200 sounds. As you described Microsoft and the real need is a piano, strings, a couple of synth brass (Jump), a couple of synth basses and a few leads and you can play all night. Who the hell has time to audition 6,000 sounds or Word’s new feature set?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I tried following your link. Ye gods!

    I’ve being trying to stay out of Microsoft’s clutches as much as possible. Open Office/Firefox/Thunderbird do most of what I need. Why would I want to pay Microsoft for the equivalent? And it’s so annoying having to resist the inevitable messages inviting you to use Office and OneDrive to keep their revenue stream going until you eventually HAVE to buy a new computer because Windows and the essentials have (again) become over-bloated because of all the new features you never need. It’s in Microsoft’s interest to make life for companies so complex that they need to use all the services at your link. If ever there was an area that needs more regulation….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The bottom line, Internet 1.0 circa ~2000 was all we ever needed. Advances in security, notwithstanding. But what would CS college grads do if not try and re-invent the digital wheel?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi A.Mole,

    This is a funny post. Thanks. I feel like the cook on the Titanic, drinking himself silly while the ship sinks. I’m playing #3 Symphony of Sorrowful Songs as I write. I am hung up on the first lento and I can see myself at the window, listening to this song as the great world fire explodes. We tend to lead cinematic lives now, if we have the luxury. Oh well, thanks again for your words on Microsoft. Duke

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, Duke, keep laughing — while I have to deal with this straw heap; the needles, at least, are dull. Getting pricked unlikely, though my hayfever does suffer.


    2. Look at really depressing art of internment while you listen to that. I lean toward Arvo Part and the Spiegel im Spiegel era. Airborne valium for the soul as it contains all and yet defies all emotion.
      However Gorecki would be the choice as theme song for all the God I’m so depressed/abused/recovering/dying websites that permeate WordPress. So there’s that.

      Liked by 2 people

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