3 thoughts on “SepSceneWriMo: 5, Six, 7”

1. For my money the first one is too long and full of -ing and cliche. The second one could be an update of Updaike’s “A&P”. I like the characters. Well drawn. I want another description besides beggar-girl. Street girl, something. I want to see her dirty feet. I can see her, though, and do at every C store somewhere by an extended stay motel. And the kid is almost classically teen boy shallow without having to come out and say it. Nice one. As for the end, put it back in the hard drive, let it simmer, make it 100 words or less.
   You’re working too hard. I went to Oklahoma for a few days, caught my wife’s cold, been useless. I’m back this week.

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   1. Silly space trope, Alan D Foster’ish.
      Beggar-girl doesn’t ring right, ayup. I’ll work on it.
      Hard to not make these Henry’O type stories. The professor one should be have more in front and in back.

      Thanks for reading and the snapshot critiques. It’s what I’m looking for.

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      1. Or less and more bam. The grocery store is well formed and slightly miss painted. But there. Like bob ross says, happy accidents, not mistakes. Pick up the brush and some blue and look! The happy little pond is now a lagoon!

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