When this coronavirus is finally subdued:
- I’m afraid when I go back to work my pants won’t fit anymore.
- I won’t be able to get on an airplane without providing a blood sample.
- Friday night at the movies will become Friday night at the Hulu.
- Libraries will have all closed.
- Cruise ships will be towed off shore and sunk to build up the Great Barrier Reef (yeay!).
- You’ll need a license to go for a picnic.
- There will be home machines you can buy to turn old books and furniture into toilet paper.
- Clorox Company will buy Nabisco and make Bleach Blondie Brownies.
- A home hazmat chamber will don every frontdoor.
- Drone pilots will become an Olympic Sport.
When all this is said and done, Drumpf will have died from the virus (shot by an inoculated tranquilizer dart by Nancy Pelosi), and we’ll be resigned to living in a hyper-paranoid world where a six-foot distant “air hug” is considered affectionate. Kisses — NOT!