Dear Mudge, The Wall

Dear ‘Mudge,

I think I hit the wall. Not at destructive speeds. But fast enough to shock me (as if I needed anymore disruptions) into an obvious realization: I’m old.

The weekend has arrived and I am thankful. Of the three hamsters I used to have spinning stationary laps in my head, two have died and the last is on oxygen. I recall reading about music, math and physics prodigies and how, if they didn’t publish by age thirty, were doom to never live up to their potential. At twice that age, I’m imagining how I might possibly keep up with the tasks I’m now charged with.

Oy! So much to learn. “We expect you to take two or three months to come up to speed,” they said. But I’ve already jumped in and am coding away at rush jobs. I only hope the Bumbling Orange Ball of Corpulent Covid lives to fail, so that you can join the ranks and become the Vet Tech we all know you can be… (And enjoy the challenges of mental exhaustion like me.)

In heart-related news, a new EchoCardioGram now shows full recovery of the damaged heart muscle. In contrast, the followup Zoom-Visit with the cardiologist was all, “yup, you’re now officially fucked up and will have to take meds, carry Nitro and worry about odd feelings in your chest — for the rest of your pathetic life!” Gee thanks, Doc. You’re a real glimmer of sunshine. But, the Stoic in me was, “that’s cool, who wants to live for fuckin’ ever anyway?”

Here’s Chip, the guy who’s powering the neurons for this brief post. Give it up for Chip.

26 thoughts on “Dear Mudge, The Wall

        1. i disagree. Should we take a poll? I’m referring, of course, to older people becoming increasing invisible as each year passes. Unless, of course, you walk into an establishment with your wallet hanging out. Then they see you.

          Liked by 2 people

  1. Mozart composed some 600 works before he died at 35. Keats wrote things academics still can’t figure and died when he was 25. He had a great line about how he was afraid he’d die before his pen had cleared his brain. No biggie. You’re doing what you do. Yeah, cardiologists are real inspirational. But right. “Live your life, take your meds. Nobody gets out alive.” If we were our parents we’d already be dead.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for making me feel useless… I will never amount to anything…
    I’m glad to hear that your heart is good as new. Take care of it and yourself.
    The hamsters did make me laugh, though. So, I close this comment with another ‘thank you.’ And this one isn’t sarcastic.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Has your time passed to write the novel you were born to write?

    Let’s think about that:

    The book often cited as the first novel and one of the top classic of all time – Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes. Part 1 published in 1605 Part 2 published in 1615 when the writer was 68.

    The novel often credited as marking the beginning of realistic fiction as a literary genre and said to be the most translated book other than the Bible Robinson Crusoe was written by Daniel Defoe when he was 59. Who else do I know who is 59?

    One of my favorite novels The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky was published when he was 58.

    Frank McCourt memoir, Angela’s Ashes, was published when he was 66. He then won the Pulitzer Prize for Biography or Autobiography, the National Book Critics Circle Award, and the Booker Prize.

    It is true that Albert Einstein’s most famous insights came in a single year when he was just in his early twenties. Scientific insights often seem to come early. With literature this is not necessarily the case. The reason for this being that narrative stories require actual lived experience during happy times and challenging times. These experience are the life material that lead to the possibility of writing something of real meaning and impact.

    Your material has recently been exploding.

    This could be the very time to set all of your vast life experience good and bad to bring forth all that now lay within you into your own classic narrative gift.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sometimes it feels as if my own chip is running along on one leg…so I kick him in the ass. Not lately, as you can tell from my productivity…but soon. I’ve gotta hits the weights again now that I think about it. That’s always great for the testosterone! And maybe get a few massages…from the many various types of massages available…I’m not ready to give up form anytime soon and move on to the nothingness…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Embrace the change. All is transient. Sappy, overused, but true. You’re moving on as we all do. You old? Better than the alternative…to quote George Burns. You still have a passion, a fire…and a big challenge ahead of you with this new job. Bite it!

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Is that a request? Why certainly…

          Philosophic vs finite inference.

          I imagine (hope?) that with age, comes reflection, wisdom, perspective. But also the loss of the ability to hold a dozen complex patterns in your mind, interlinking nodes such that new patterns emerge, recombinant revelations.

          So, while one is young, do the hard conceptual thinking. When one is old, do the thoughtful, reflective mulling of the Universe.

          (It’s all bullshit, but I could prolly sell it to a bunch of college physics students.)

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I see you are a diligent student of Kant’s Critique. Because one could not mull over life thoughtfully without a truly refined transcendental unity of apperception.

            While I can imagine it’s painful for a person to see their former sharp abilities softening, maybe the issue can be reframed a bit. Maybe it’s wisdom to let other people do the grunt work while you can revel in your hard-earned creativity.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Nice. That might work if I weren’t tasked with work that a 30 year old could do 2x as easily… And if I’d been given a corner office (with view) and underlings. But, in general one would hope that it would work out your way.
              Where’s my AI mind enhancer?

              Liked by 1 person

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