House cat like a St. Bernard

The malaise of disenchantment may be finally lifting, or not. No promises.


I was thinking about the dynamic range of dog sizes; teacup poodles to 200+ pound mastiffs. Yet, all these dogs seem to be manageable by their owners. We may not be entirely comfortable around a massive Irish wolfhound, but as long as the owner is near, or the dog wags its tail and stays calm — we’re good.

Imagine a house cat the size of a Bernese Mountain dog? Or, in other words, imagine a cougar or leopard living in your home.

I suppose it’s obvious why humanity hasn’t bred larger and larger house cats. We can barely trust the 12lb’ers we already share a couch with. Consider shooing a forty pound cat-like-a-lynx off your favorite chair. “No, that’s fine. You can keep it.”

The possibility of developing larger breeds of cats is no doubt an option. Cats of every size, from five pound Lil Bubs to five-hundred pound Burmese tigers exist in the wild so their body types can handle the size and weight increases. I think the bottom line is, we just don’t trust them.

With dogs, we’re the alpha-masters (or should be). With cats, their brains just never accept their natural place in a domestic hierarchy — at the bottom.

It’s true that dog breeds exist due to specific needs or work venues. But many strut the dog shows, well, just for show. And we know that breeds like Coon cats exist that push the limits of the house-cat size range.

Tiger King notwithstanding, living with a Labrador-sized cat would be terrifying.


Nice kitty. Please don’t eat me.

20 thoughts on “House cat like a St. Bernard

  1. I thought I commented on this piece… Apparently not.
    Cats are already dangerous in their smaller form. Cat owners laugh when they say that the cat is their owner, not the other way around. They laugh while a sharp nail is pressed into their backs. A labrador-sized one? I think we would all be dead. Wait a minute… population control!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. (Smile) There’s a race of aliens in one of the SciFi books I recall reading… (googling) “The Kzinti (singular Kzin) are a fictional, very warlike and bloodthirsty race of cat-like aliens in Larry Niven’s Known Space series.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. We’ve had both a Norwegian Forest Cat named Max (20 pounds, lived to be 18 years old) and Rune, our Irish Wolfhound who weighed 165 lbs at 18 months old. They were both extremely easy-going and laid back. I much preferred Max to the skittish little tabby we also had (his name was Chaucer), but I don’t think I’d want a panther in the house!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Rune” — great name. “Canterbury Tails” takes on a whole new meaning. There’s an old Oscar Brand diddy that talks about “cats on the rooftop, cats on the tiles, cats the with the clap, and the crabs and the piles. Cats with their butts all wreathed in smiles as they revel in the throes of fornication.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. lmao – my first thought was…how in heck would I get one that size /off/ my lap. Then I figured it probably wouldn’t matter because I’d be squished already. Or is that tenderised?

    Seriously, as a cat and dog lover, I wouldn’t mind having a cat as a guard-beast. Our ordinary moggies are already better guard dogs than the dog so…stranger beware. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love other people’s cats, but have no desire for my own. I like having the ability to keep my belongings away from the local pet. With dogs, this is (mostly) not an issue. Cats appear to look at our efforts to do so as a challenge.

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    1. Have we ever seen a cat experience shame or embarrassment? If you catch one taking a shit in its box it’ll look at you and go, “What? You wanna watch? There, I’m done, shovel that, slave.”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. So we didn’t let them get big out of fear? That sounds right to me. Cats are great for being independent and not needing so much attention, though they don’t seem to be the socially concerned sort of animal that dogs are. I guess that’s largely why we haven’t been able to breed them for anything useful beyond petting.

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    1. Many dog breeds were bred for “The Hunt”. I’d say that a couple of 70 pound cats would be a helluva team to take into the woods to hunt big game. Yet…
      Guard cats? Drug sniffing cats? Guide cats for the blind? (Ha!)


  6. Cats are more like humans than dogs. I guess that’s why more people like dogs than cats. Humans tend to hate each other. Must be the cat in us. Duke

    Liked by 2 people

  7. As much as I love cats, I think I’d be too scared around a huge one. I had a dear cat and we played rough which meant lots of bites (though he never bit to draw blood once). We used to play a game where he’d go in a box and I’d peek over and he’d jump out at me. Not the safest game if you don’t know your pet extremely well. I don’t know how that would go with a two hundred pound cat with paws the size of catcher mitts. My neighbor has a cat pushing thirty pounds. I’m actually the only one to pick him, which he loves, but when he stops purring and begins struggling and swinging his arms back, it’s all I can do to put him down right away. I wouldn’t relish that struggle with something that weighs more than me and a hundred times stronger. I’ve heard even the biggest cats purr. Would be fun to cuddle with until they decide to start treating you like a kitten which includes licking, biting, and pulling your skin. At least cats don’t need toilet training, so that’s a plus.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My wife has lucked out with two consecutive cats that behave more like dogs than felines. They cuddle, seek her out, don’t mind being picked up like babies and don’t really act like cats at all. I still wouldn’t want a 50 pound version of those around.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. See, I’ve always found it demeaning to a cat to compare its behavior to a dog’s. Cats are entirely capable of cuddly affection, they just don’t bestow it on just anyone. You have to get to know them, same as you would a person. And so you always know it’s sincere.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. No claws. Couldn’t afford to replace the furniture. I am reminded of the gay magicians. The tiger was only Concerned with his trainer’s health, liked to killed him trying to protecting. Being dragged around by the head, inside the mouth of a tiger, is chilling to contemplate. And forget the dust bunny fuzzy slipper sized dogs. I’m on the list at Irish Wolfhound rescue. Gentle giants. I have a couple of funny, huh, why is my hand wet mastiff stories. Never owned one, but met a few. There’s a post coming about the last Irish Setter I lost.

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