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This is the completed version. ~6k words. Sorry for the length. Might take about 15 minutes to read.
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Direct link.
This is the completed version. ~6k words. Sorry for the length. Might take about 15 minutes to read.
Anonymole - apocryphal agitators 
Outstanding. I didn’t find it overexplained at all, and I loved the characters–such a wonderful twist on the fairy tale. I always knew there must be more to it, and you’ve proven that!
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“Everyday, in every way, we’re getting better and better.” — Emile Coue via Commissioner Dreyfus.
Thank you for spending the time. I know it was not insignificant.
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It was time well-spentđ
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Unwrite about 30% of it, and as mentioned ease off the splaininâ. âWe know who they are by what they say and how they behave.â Otherwise it moves in a line which is nice to see in these days of hopscotch tomorrow is the day before yesterday this afternoon. The original versions of many âfairy talesâ as compiled by literate French women are considerably bloodier than the Golden Book versions so bring on the boiling cauldron and pairing knives.
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I’ll review with that ‘splainin’ foremost in my editor’s mind. It’s simplistic and tame, but as a challenge, it fits in with trying to pose a task and follow through.
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Tell the story, which you did, just tell it like you see it and put all the author judgement in the trash. I’ve been doing a lot of that in editing older me lately. If I have to say how a character should be taken, I need to rewrite.
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“If I say how a character should be taken…” Noted.
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A fantastic and clever premise, Mole. Keep it comin’.
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I love this alternate perspective!
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It’s a challenge. Especially after a hiatus. Really focusing though.
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Pull that focus out a little past atomic and there you are.
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I can imagine some ways this might go, but I have no idea which one it will be.
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Is it wrong that I want bad things to befall these children?
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Hard to be subtle and yet convey that exact sentiment. I shouldn’t let so much time go between writing sessions, so hard to find my way once returned.
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I see a few possibilities. If stepmom is good and kids bad, maybe don’t tell us outside of her own thoughts, so we’re not sure if it’s just in her head or if they’re really out to get her. Don’t lay it on too thick too soon. The best hate for characters is one that simmers very slowly and builds as more and more dastardliness is revealed through their actions. Just a few ideas. I hate these children and I want everyone to come to hate them as much as I do.
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Okay, I’ll bite. I couldn’t remember the details of Hansel and Gretel, I had to look it up. Is that what this is? Maybe not, don’t know. Not really. So, I’m standing by, waiting to tune in, not sure, but that’s what I heard, we’ll see. Thanks. Duke
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Trying to twist up the story. Step-mothers get such a bad rap.
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