Anonymole – apocryphal agitators

This is too classic not to share.

An associate developer, who is just as clued in to AI and LLMs and all that, posted the following prompt to ChatGPT:

​Write a satirical technical spec for Anxiety Driven Development (ADD)…

​Introduction:

Anxiety Driven Development (ADD) is a revolutionary approach to software development that leverages the power of anxiety and stress to produce high-quality, highly performant code. By utilizing the fear of missing deadlines, the fear of bugs, and the fear of being fired, ADD promises to deliver results that are unmatched by any other development methodology.

Hardware Requirements:

• To fully harness the power of ADD, you’ll need a powerful computer with a high-end processor, at least 16 GB of RAM, and multiple monitors. It’s recommended that you use noise-canceling headphones to block out any distractions.

Software Requirements:

• To get started with ADD, you’ll need a text editor or IDE of your choice, along with a suite of anxiety-inducing productivity tools.

Some recommended tools include:

• Deadline Tracker: This tool constantly reminds you of looming deadlines and generates automated messages to your boss about your progress.
• Code Linter: This tool scans your code for any potential issues and sends notifications to your entire team when it finds any problems.
• Error Log Analyzer: This tool aggregates all errors and crashes and displays them in a giant red notification banner that takes up half of your screen.
• Slackbot Reminder: This tool sends you constant reminders to keep coding, and reminds you of all the tasks you still have to complete.

Development Process:

• The ADD development process is simple: start coding, and don’t stop until you’re done. Here are some key practices to follow:
• Don’t take breaks: breaks are for people who aren’t serious about their work. Stay at your desk for hours on end, even if it means skipping meals or using the bathroom.
• Don’t test your code: testing is for people who have time to waste. Trust your gut and push your code straight to production.
• Don’t ask for help: asking for help is a sign of weakness. If you’re struggling, just keep pushing through until you figure it out.
• Don’t sleep: sleep is for people who don’t care about their work. If you’re truly committed to your project, you’ll sacrifice your sleep to get it done.

The benefits of ADD are numerous:

• Increased productivity: With the constant fear of failure and the pressure to deliver, you’ll find yourself working harder and faster than ever before.
• High-quality code: The fear of bugs and crashes will drive you to write code that is highly performant and bug-free.
• Job security: With ADD, you’ll never miss a deadline or make a mistake, ensuring that you’ll be valued by your employer for years to come.

In conclusion, Anxiety Driven Development is the future of software development. Embrace the fear, push through the pain, and deliver results that will make your peers weep with envy.