Trump: America’s Hitler

I thought those words and turned my head to the side, hmm, fuck, that’s about right, isn’t it?

ShitForBrainsDonaldDimwitDrumpf is the United States’ “Adolf Hitler” moment.

Germany—ah fuck, sorry mates, now we know how you feel.

But then I got to thinking about Hitler and how he could actually speak, lead, and write and although he probably had syphilis or Parkinson’s or Alien-Covid-33, and was, yeah, a heinous narcissist, at least he could string six words together to form, you know, thoughts.

[Picture of Drumpf as Hitler that my wife made
me (almost) erase because she’s afraid of repercussions.]

DrumpfAsHitler

Heil Twitler!

(Gawd, it is so easy to turn ANYBODY into Hitler, isn’t it?)

This I-D-10-T can’t possibly come close to Hitler’s true monstrous evil. I mean, the Dough-nald can’t begin to plan the domination of the world without a crayon storyboard of how this little piggy pissed all over a Russian prostitute and is then beholden to Dr. Vladimir No and has to have his gonads threatened by a L-A-Z-E-R. “Gonads? What are those?”

In all serious though, our current situation truly resembles Germany 1933.

Now, I’m conflicted. I “know” that nothing lasts, that all is for naught, that the Universe will die in a snuffed out whimper. Yet, while I’m here…

Jackboot troops? Suppression of news? Control of information (the postal service)? Ostracization and repulsion of people of alternate race, lifestyle and culture? Hijacking the justice system?

If this isn’t America’s Totalitarian Moment, I don’t know what is.

(This is NOT to diminish the impact of The Holocaust. No, Trump is no Hitler. Hitler was the epitome of demonic evil and hopefully the likes of him will never resurface.)

Nuremberg Trials 2.0

OrangatanTroop

When the Tyrannical Imbecile is deposed in January 2021, when he is frog-marched from the columnar entrance of the Whitehouse, his failure to subvert the U.S. Constitution won’t go as a sole infraction by a singular idiot.

Let’s face it, the Moron In Chief can’t even dress himself, feed himself or figure out how to to change the channel on the vast Whitehouse television network. How the hell could such a freakishly dimwitted miscreant contrive to wound the U.S. Postal Service, collude with and commandeer the Justice Department, appropriate ICE, and pollute and corrupt the State Department (among a host of other national institutions)?

He couldn’t. The man’s a total third-class fuck up. Not even a first-class fuck up.

Which means that there are dozens if not hundreds of sycophants seething like lice in the rotten woodwork of his administration. Sinister insectoids creeping around doing his bidding, hatching ingenious plans on his behalf, defecating in the cupboards and pissing in the broom closets of the Whitehouse.

Guess who’s gonna pay the price during 2021?

A-yup! We’re going to have a jubilant reckoning. A gottdamn Come-to-Jesus moment for a shit-ton of folks who will be running from the fumigators come next spring.

Who wants to bring back medieval stocks for public shaming? At least for a little while…

Did they think they were gonna get away with it? Really? Dumbasses.

 

NRA: Nefarious Ravagers Anonymous

As a writer I tend to stand slack-jawed when I witness unexpected, fiction-worthy stories in the news. I think, how can reality create something so fantastical, so eyebrow twistingly warped, when fiction itself fails to compete?

It’s not that a not-for-profit entity collected sewer level executives to lead them.

It’s not that an ancient, heralded establishment became contaminated by vicious, greedy henchmen beholden only to their equally contemptuous brethren.

It’s not that a revered institution, once noble and forthright, succumbed to corruption, an internal rot the likes of which only a napalm enema could be rid of.

It’s that such a story line feels so utterly obvious that it should have been exposed through countless spy or intrigue novels over the last forty years.

The NRA is headed by crooks who used their power to buy candidates and boats and planes and take vacations to the islands? Duh! Quick, somebody write a novel.

(I sure hope the lead NY attorney knows how to protect herself…)

This era in politics will go down as one of obviousness. No shit the people we hire to run the country are nothing but scoundrels and self-serving egotists. That the so called President of the country has fewer scruples than a snapping turtle? That every fucking thing he’s done since being in office was to further his personal aggrandizement or his brainless agendas? That everyone he’s hired has been a stoolie, a lackey, or a cad for him and his promises of wealth — on the other side — if they don’t go turncoat and write a book about his idiocy?

No shit. None of this should be surprising. So, why is it we’re dumbfounded when things like this actually happen? That is, why hasn’t fiction done its job and warned us?

~~~

In my teens, I was a member of the NRA. Hell, I was on the high school rifle team; went to college on a scholarship for marksmanship. So, go NRA!

But not now. Back then? Sure. Now? Well, look at what it stands for these days, archaic, out-of-touch nonsense and who runs that fucked-up bass-ackwards perversion of an institution. Dissolve the NRA?

About goddamn time!

 

Unexpected Consequences

In addition to apocalyptic scenarios, I also enjoy teasing out the possibilities of action/reaction in society’s macro behaviors. Like Freakonomics taught us, what are the implications to what we’re experiencing and how we’re reacting? Here are a few I’ve heard of and some I’ve dreamed up myself. My favorite is Goldie’s “there’s gonna be a rash of December babies born this year due to the work-from-home mandate.”

Close the borders and…

  • Migrant workers cannot come in to perform the agricultural work needed by 1/3 of the industry.
  • They won’t be there to pick, pack, and purvey the produce we need directly, and the food industry needs to create our canned, bottled and frozen foods.
  • Those same workers won’t be there to perform the planting that will result in crops in four to six months.
  • Close the borders and we eventually starve.

Close the schools and after school programs the daycare facilities and…

  • All the kids now need parents to stay home.
  • Many of those parents are critical service workers: police, healthcare, emergency responders, infrastructure repair.
  • And the kids won’t be staying home, or alone, or away from the elders who live with them. They’ll be out mixing it up with other neighborhood kids, perhaps more so that had they just stayed in school.

Shut down the hospitality industry and…

  • Fifteen million low to medium wage people lose work if not their jobs.
  • Another eight million in the airline industry lose work if not their jobs.

* Suppress spending across the entertainment, sports and restaurant industries and the velocity of money drops through the floor — ending up in a massive recession — one we’ve been expecting for three years.

* Drive the price of oil down below $30/barrel and the booming U.S. shale oil and fracking industry collapses throwing another million workers into the pit.

@ On the bright side, fewer cars on the road means fewer traffic accidents; less air pollution; quicker response to emergency calls (to save an elderly person with COVID symptoms).

* Force everyone to work from home and the homeless go WTF?

@ Fortunately, it’s already second nature to remain socially distant from the homeless.

@ Is there going to be a resurgence of home cooking where millennials learn to make more than Mac-a-cheese and Ramen?

* Too bad Grandma won’t be allowed in the kitchen with those asymptomatic carriers.

* Millions were forced from their homes to live at the whims of the rentier society during the last Great Recession.

@ Although thousands more will end up being force to foreclose during this calamity, at least we know that the rich are just as susceptible to this scourge — so there’s hope a proportionate number will die along with the rest of us.

* Is this the end of the Farmer’s market? Craft fairs? Concerts in the park?

No doubt the unintended and unexpected consequences from this pandemic will continue to play out. How many more can we come up with? I’m sure there are dozens just waiting to be exposed.

  • More marijuana smoking/eating?
  • More alcohol binging?
  • More reviews on movie venues, book venues, products?
  • More online psychologist sessions?
  • More facetime calls with estranged family?
  • More Amazon Prime memberships?
  • More neighbor altercations?
  • More house cleaning?
  • More nookie?
  • More?

Dear Mole, Six Bills

sasquatch

It’s funny, but every time I think I’ve given up hope for our species, something happens that makes me feel even more hopeless, proving that I had not yet reached a nihilistic point of no return.  This week, as I’m sure you’re aware, a bevy of credible witnesses laid out for Congress in no uncertain terms the unprecedented and proven crimes of the pretend POTUS.  Most dramatically, an ambassador named Dr. Fiona Hill utilized her opening statement to eloquently eviscerate the GOP members of the chamber for propagating long-debunked Russian-originated conspiracy theories in their ridiculous questions.  And then…to a man, every single GOP member proceeded to double down on propagating long-debunked Russian-originated conspiracy theories in their ridiculous questions.  This, of course, was to be expected, but after the public hearings wrapped up and everyone in the nation had heard from extremely reliable sources that Trump is an imminent danger to the country and the world, SUPPORT FOR TRUMP AND AGAINST THE INQUIRY WENT UP!!!!

This may finally represent the straw that collapsed the proverbial dromedary for me.   Here we are, as a species, at the height of our potential, able to contemplate incredible possibilities for the future of mankind thanks to our increased knowledge and technological capabilities.  War, pestilence and preventable death are at historic lows.  And yet, I believe we’re doomed.  We’re doomed because we CHOOSE to be doomed.  All of that manufactured “meaning” has become so important to people that proven facts and the evidence of the senses are dismissed out of hand if the reality they reveal is incompatible with our imaginary “purpose”.  We don’t even care if our “purpose” is good, bad or neutral anymore, as long as we have one.  We will, in the very near future, assure our own extinction.

Thank god for that.

In his novel “Gallapagos”, Kurt Vonnegut beautifully illustrated your point about our intellectual capacity actually serving as the biggest threat to our survival.  He dreamed of a process of de-evolution to dispense of the self-destructive potential of overthought culminating in a dumber, slightly furrier version of ourselves with a much greater capacity for happiness.

Out here in Albuquerque, we have all sorts of ancient petroglyphs etched into the volcanic rock on the outskirts of the city.  The residue of the first examples of human self-importance, but no less fascinating for being so.

You make a good point about the weight of a vehicle crushing the organic majority of Colonel Austin’s body.  Here’s another good point about The Six Million Dollar Man: it’s established right in the title that in 1970s dollars, it cost $6 million to give Steve a bionic arm, eye and leg(?).  A few seasons into the show, we’re introduced to Sasquatch, who is also, curiously, bionically endowed.  Who in the fuck decided to spend several million dollars to enhance the limbs of a mythical forest-dwelling primate?  Think on that one.

Fantasy, in whatever form each of us find most pleasing, is essential, for exactly the reasons I delineated in the body of this letter.  Having washed my hands of silly sociopolitical concerns and even hope for my own species, I still largely enjoy the act of existing and this is largely due to my ability to suspend disbelief, with the understanding that I’m doing so, and enjoy the work of other people’s imaginations.

But if even fantasy gets stale, is there anything else?  Believe it or not, I think there is.  Kindness to others, just for the sake of it.  I’m not so good at that, admittedly, but if a challenge is what’s called for in my life of extreme leisure, perhaps this is it.  Do you agree?  Might I not enjoy myself immensely if I fashioned myself into some kind of self-styled modern day Robin Hood?  Or should I just cut my losses and check when the next episode of iCarly is airing on TeenNick?

Again,

‘Mudge