Tag Archives: hernia

Surgery: post-op follow up

A guy walks into a doctor’s office and says, Hey, I need an operation, will it hurt?

The doc smiles like a Cheshire cat and says, No, no, it’s practically painless. Just a little pinching and discomfort for a few days.

Well, hell, says the guy, sign me up.

Two weeks after the surgery, the guy goes back to the doctor’s office for a look-see by the doctor.

How are you feeling, sir?

Better, finally.

What do you mean…

Well, aside from the tearing and burning and stabbing and hornets and hot match-heads, I’ve finally gotten to the point where I don’t want to hunt you down, strip you and wrap your groin in a bees nest.

Oh, I see. “Well, I’m not going to use you as a poster child for this operation…” — The doctor’s actual words!

Better and better everyday. I might actually be able to walk the stairs now without thinking someone just stuck a needle into my crotch.

-am

 


Seven days makes a week

It’s been just over seven days since my encounter with a mad man with a scalpel. Fortunately, I held my Stoic tongue and he only cut me twice — but in a most vulnerable location, one I use to pretty much to move my body in any direction. Gee thanks, doc.

Seven days and today is the first time I feel almost normal. No weird tearing sensation. Nor the six hornets all stinging in unison, three per side. Or the nauseating p-u-l-l of gravity at certain danglely bits. Mind you, I still ache for one of them flat icepacks. But, over all, I can finally imagine life without constant gut-clenching pain.

And to think, this was all quasi-voluntary. Sure, I’d mostly likely suffer in the future from some foolish lifting stunt. But to ask for such agony? I can only say that I’ve completed my “Man’s Cesarean” and look forward to drunken mud-bound tug-o-wars with the troops. (Anybody know any “troops” who need a crippled old programmer?)